Tuesday, June 24, 2008

When and only when!

So today on my lunch break at Panera I was standing behind a young business professional woman. She was dressed in cute black skirt and shirt and she was wearing flip flops. But not just any flip flops, no sir! She was wearing (drum roll please...) Platform flips flops. This got me thinking about all the shoes you should NEVER wear unless under certain extenuating circumstances.

1)Platform Flip flops

There is no exception to these, they should NEVER be worn

2) Ugg Boots
UGG BOOTS
Only acceptable when it is actually cold out and they aren't worn with a skirt!!!!

3) Boat Shoes
Boat Shoes
If you have a boat and are on it, fine! If not, what the hell are you thinking?

4) Thigh High Hooker Boots
Thigh High Backlace
If you are in fact a hooker or dressing up as one for Halloween, these boots are acceptable. Otherwise, they are not. Knee high hooker boots are acceptable for us non ladies of the night as long as they are made of quality leather (none of the plastic stuff)

5) Velcro Shoes
Velcro Shoes
Only to be worn if you are over the age of 80

6) Penny Loafers
BRAND NEW PENNY LOAFERS PERFECT CONDITION SZ. 8.5 $2.00
I can't think of one instance that these would be necessary. Especially if there is actually a penny in the front of it.

7)Jelly Shoes
jellyshoes
Are you 2? Well then that answers that!

8) Moon Boots
Moon Boots
Only if your name is Napoleon Dynamite

9) And last but certainly not least High Tops
Nike- Blazers
Never never never never never acceptable. Do they honestly sell these still?

Am I missing any?

45 comments:

Mrs. D. said...

Were you by chance at the Panera in P-burg? Because I'm pretty sure the girl you are talking about works at my place of business.

They very much resemble Herman Munster shoes.

libby marie said...

great list.:) I am going to once again state that wooden clogs should never be worn unless you happen to be at the GAF. then it's okay.

i totally owned clogs about 10yrs ago. I'm so ashamed! (I wore them with overalls...the misery of past wardrobes)

libby marie said...

great list.:) I am going to once again state that wooden clogs should never be worn unless you happen to be at the GAF. then it's okay.

i totally owned clogs about 10yrs ago. I'm so ashamed! (I wore them with overalls...the misery of past wardrobes)

t.w.i.t. said...

IMHO, I don't think anyone over the age of nine should wear Crocs. Except for, maybe, nurses. But I'm still debating that one. Plastic clogs...yuck! And don't get me started on how people adorn them with those jibbitz things. Ugh.

Iris Took said...

This is the perfect post from you IMP Shoes!

Platform sandals are terrible (and on the business casual girl??? IN PERRYSBURG??)

Sad Panda said...

I'm glad that you specified that knee-high hooker boots are acceptable; I couldn't give those puppies up!

Lauren said...

Oh, and let's not forget those stiletto-booties that are like boots that only go to the ankle... Sometimes they look like they are slouch-socks on top... YUK!!! I second crocs, and the platform sandal is horriffic! Good call on this blog. It is about time someone speak out on this shoe abuse! We need a full "What Not to Wear"blog, where people can comment on fashions that should not be worn... by anyone.

All Things Red said...

Impractical Shoes - This was your best blog post yet!! I laughed out loud at some of the atrocities going on in the shoe world. Those platform flip flops are horrible (but to be honest, chiropractors probably like them for their patients more than the regular kind).

PS - Right on with the boat shoes - I just cringe when I see a pair!!!

ttown said...

I'm going to have to throw in that velcro is also accepted on those under the age(mental capacity) of five.

Impractical Shoes said...

Good call ttown! I forgot about that! :)

Dr. Turtle said...

I'd like to add those damn croc's to the list also.

HORRIBLE!

I'm out there on nurses, seriously, they can wear tennis shoes. I'd say croc's might also be acceptable while gardening (easy to rinse off, etc.) BUT, I will still NEVER own a pair!

wrestling kitties said...

ok, PLEASE don't shun me from your blog. I love shoes (I have about 60 pairs) but I may just have two of the shoes listed above in my house. And I wear them. And I love them.

Ok I, infact, own a pair of brown and pink plaid airwalk velcro shoes. link below (hopefully) they are a super fun pair of shoes! no, not convincing you - didn't convince my husband either.

http://www.payless.com/Catalog/productdetail.aspx?ItemCode=55785&ProductColor=Black&Width=Regular&TLC=Womens&SLC=WomensAthletics&BLC=WomensAthleticsTrendy

I also got a pair of grey jelly shoes.....but for sentimental reasons - I loved them when I was young and will wear them around the house.

Ok, shun me if you must :(

Impractical Shoes said...

WK- I would never shun you from my blog! I can't argue with wearing jelly shoes around the house. I find this completely acceptable (jelly's were also my favorite shoe as a child). And I checked out the velco shoes you mentioned. Thankfully they are an "updated", "trendy" version of old man velcro shoes :) No shunning necessary!! I'm just glad you don't have platform flip flops....

Anonymous said...

don't be ridiculous platform flip flops are awesome!

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John B. Marine said...

I'll give you the one on thigh-high or over-the-knee boots (I blogged on these myself). Even worse is seeing these with decent-length skirts or even [worse] tucked into jeans. I don't get thigh-high boots at all.

Though these may not be popular opinions... those platform flip-flops are kind of cute. Penny loafers can be cute too. I remember when platform loafers were hot in the late 1990s.

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