In These Shoes

What you do when you're bored at work....

2009-01-23T09:18:00.004-05:00

My job is very much so either sink or swim. There are only 2 levels of work that I experience here:

1) I am so busy that I want to kill myself and I honestly don't even have time to get up to go to the bathroom

or

2) I am so bored that this is what I resort to:

Yes. That is me dressed up in a full "Ben Ten" costume!

I think I am way better looking then the real character. Don't you agree? Don't judge.

The kicker to this story is that I was lead around the office to hug unsuspecting fellow employees!!! Have a great weekend everyone!

My one true love....ruined

2008-12-08T12:12:00.002-05:00

So as we all know, I love to shop. Shopping is ONE of my guilty pleasures. The mall used to be a place that I could go to to get away. Shop my sorrows away. The other day I went to the mall just to pick up a few things and I was horrified.

As I was walking through the what once used to be just a corridor, I found myself inside of a soliciting nightmare.

"Hello miss, who styles your hair?".
UMMM, NOT YOU CREEPY LADY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MALL WITH A HAIR STRAIGHTENER.

"Excuse me Ma'am, do you have a cell phone?"
WHO DOESN'T HAVE A CELL PHONE NOW A DAYS?

"Would you like to whiten your teeth?"
SERIOUSLY??? IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MALL? NO THANKS WANNA BE DENTIST.

"Can I ask you a question?"
NO DAMN IT, I WANT TO SHOP. NOT ANSWER QUESTIONS.

Does anyone else feel like the mall is an uncomfortable place where we are just solicited left and right for crap we don't want/need. If I came to the mall and wanted a straightener, I would have come right up to you and bought one. You asking me who styles me hair as I scurry past you doesn't make me want to buy anything from you.

As I arrived inside of Macy's I breathed a sigh of relief. I figured I was safe from all the pressure of crap buying and I could now shop in peace. As I was perusing the Women's section for nothing in particular, I was approached by a Sales Associate.

SA: "Hi"
ME: "Hello!" (Oh how nice it is to be shopping somewhere without people asking me questions)
SA: "So, what are you shopping for today? Any special occasion?"

OK....come on now! What am I shopping for? What color underwear are you wearing? Yea.... how do YOU like being asked unwanted personal questions? Sucks doesn't it?

Since when do I have to be shopping for a specific occasion? What kind of answer are these people looking for? Why can't we just shop in peace? A simple hello or how are you is fine but anything beyond that is annoying.

Back to shopping online. Thank god for Bluefly.com.

Highlight of my Year

2008-10-15T12:33:00.004-04:00

Some of you in the Toledo area may have heard that Barack Obama made an appearance in the great city of Toledo on Monday at the SeaGate Centre, my fabulous place of employment. I, being an Obama supporter, was ecstatic to have him here and most of all was out of my mind excited that I was in charge of putting it all together!!

I worked closely with his camp to arrange everything and it was quite an experience working with the secret service. Everyone was great to work with and extremely grateful for all we had done for them. I was truly shocked at their genuine appreciation for all the hard work of everyone that made their event a success! Definitely the highlight of my career!

After the Senator spoke and the event was over, I got the memorable opportunity to personally meet him and shake his hand. It was just me, him and about 10 members of his camp and secret service in the room together. He thanked me for everything I did and then had someone take of picture of us together. They said they would send it to me, hopefully they follow through on that!!!!! Once I get it I will post it to my blog for all to see :)

And no matter what your political stance is, make sure to get out and vote this year!

Patience is a virtue....you can say that again!

2008-10-13T17:17:00.004-04:00

So today I read a story about the Oldest Virgin. Yep, that's what I said. A 105 year old woman that has never had sex in her long ass life. Never ever had sex....Ever....Wow!

I guess if you don't know what you're missing then it doesn't matter.

Read the whole story here

It's been awhile

2008-10-01T11:55:00.002-04:00

So I know I haven't blogged in a very long time but hey, I've been pretty busy.

I am back to talk about how I believe technology will be the end of us.

I was at the bar on Sunday and next to me was an older gentleman, roughly 70. As I was waiting for my drink he received and sent a text message. I couldn't help but smile and laugh a little inside. A 70 year old man texting someone while he was sitting at the bar? Haha, priceless....But I digress....

Anyway, back to my point. I ran across this story today and it completely proves my theory. Technology is going to kill us all off and take over the world.

Walmart Annoys Me

2008-08-13T13:40:00.002-04:00

As I was leaving Walmart yesterday, I was annoyed by a couple of things. Things that bother me every time I am at Walmart!

Annoyance #1: As you are pushing your overstuffed cart of cheaply priced items out of the store, right before you get to the edge of the sidewalk there is this bright yellow strip of bumps (sorry I don't know how to technically describe it). Basically it shakes yours cart and makes a really loud noise when you go over it. Yesterday when I was pushing my cart over it I was bitching about how much I hated it and that it made no sense to have it there and it was a huge pain in the ass. E's only reasoning for it being there was to "warn blind people before they got into the street". Clearly this isn't the case because I can't tell you of one time I ever saw a blind person grocery shopping alone. So what is the reason for it?

Annoyance #2: This is a big one. People who just leave their cart rolling around the parking lot instead of pushing it into the cart corral. I understand this doesn't only happen at Walmart, it happens at every single store in American that supplies shopping carts! This makes me sooooo mad. Are people honestly too lazy to walk their cart over to the corral? Do they not understand that by leaving their cart just sitting in the parking lot is basically like purposely ramming it into the side of someones car!? When I see people do this I give them an extremely dirty look and for a split second picture myself grabbing their cart and throwing it on the roof of their car.

Maybe it is bad karma because I'm shopping at Walmart and we all know how bad Walmart sucks. I can't help it, their cheap prices suck me in :(

Put a smile on your face

2008-08-05T15:51:00.002-04:00

This video made my day!

Too funny :) ENJOY!

Sorry I refuse to play

2008-08-03T14:24:00.003-04:00

Games at Bridal Showers should be banned!

Why does anyone think that a group of grown ass women, that most likely don't know each other that well, want to play games together?

Great idea. And after the games? Pillow fights in our undies! NOW THIS IS A PARTY!

What do you think? Games or no games?

Debby Downer

2008-07-29T17:19:00.003-04:00

Wah Wah....I have been Debby Downer lately so I told myself not to blog because I was SURE my bitchiness would come across in my posts.....Well apparently I can't get out of my bitch funk so I am just going to post something that happened to me today anyway. It seems stuff like this has been happening quite a lot, hence my extended bad mood!

At work I called one of my clients for the FOURTH time in two weeks to let them know that I needed their insurance before their event this weekend (We need proof of general liability insurance for every event before it happens). Twenty minutes later I get a call back from the frantic (stupid) client. She rambles about how she knew nothing about it (really? have you not checked your email or voice mail in the past month? Oh and did you or did you not read the contract that you signed for our building?) So I kindly explain to her AGAIN that she needs it before Saturday or their event can't and won't happen.

Twenty minutes later I get a phone call from the clients DAD! Really mature right?

He threatened to sue me....Yeah, sue me!? Who the hell threatens to sue a twenty something that lives in an apartment and practically works for peanuts?! And sue me for what you may ask? I dunno, can he sue me for his kid's stupidity? Nope, sorry sir, our contract does not cover that!

He tried to say that I had to pay for the insurance (hmm, how does that work?) and told me to have their space ready for them on Saturday (Sir, did you not listen to anything I just told you. I NEED INSURANCE FIRST!!!!)

It seems like stupid people are pretty standard in my life right now. Maybe I should change the theme of my blog to be all about what stupid people do to me everyday. I would have A LOT more to blog about....

PHOTO PARADE!!!

2008-07-18T08:15:00.004-04:00

I love this idea! Thanks Turtle Parade for being so creative!

This picture says "excitement" to me because it was taken with a self timer at midnight on New Years Eve! I think it just truly captures the moment of the New Year and all the excitement and anticipation surrounding it! Plus, how often do you capture a moment like this on camera?

These years are catching up with me....

2008-07-17T10:30:00.002-04:00

I have played sports my whole life. I can not remember a time when I wasn't involved in some type of organized sport.

But even though I was consistently active, I always seemed to dodge injuries. I never broke any bones, sprained any ankles or tore any ligaments through all my years of activity (knock on wood).

This summer I am involved in 2 softball leagues in which I play 3 games a week and a sand volleyball league. This summer has been a rough one for me. After every game I feel sore and weak but I just chalked it up to the beginning of the season. Well, here we are, 2 months into it and still no improvement.

Well, last night the inevitable has happened. I hurt my knee playing softball. As I mentioned before, I have never seriously injured myself so I am not sure what it feels like but I'm pretty sure this is it.......I think I tore something. I am so sad not only because it hurts like hell to walk but I think this means I am getting old....wah wah....

I don't want to get old. I want to be able to fall down on concrete and not even feel a thing the next day. I want to play a volleyball game without my arms being sore in the morning. I want to play softball without fucking my knee up!!

Spray on Condoms?!

2008-07-11T14:34:00.002-04:00

My boss read about the Spray On Condom in his Men's Health Magazine today and informed me about it.

So naturally, I Googled it and read a whole bunch of stuff on it. Apparently a group in Germany is in the process of perfecting a reservoir that men stick their members in and from there a liquid latex sprays out and within 15 seconds you have a perfect fitting condom.

My question is, how does it come off? What if you get it in your eyes?

I don't know about this whole idea. What do you think?

I am too immature to have a "real" job!

2008-07-11T12:49:00.003-04:00

Today I had a meeting with a group of people who are having an event here at SeaGate. They wanted to chat about details and have me answer some questions. All fine and dandy.

As the meeting is coming to a close, I let my clients know that I will email them some of the items they requested (utility forms, diagrams of the rooms, etc etc).

Here is how the convo went:

ME: OK so do you guys have any other questions or concerns that I can address right now?
Lady Client: No I think that about does it. If you could just email me that Utility Form and Diaphragm that would be great.
Me: Using every ounce of restraint not to laugh, she just said diaphragm! Oh my god oh my god! Yup, not a problem. I will send those ~~diaphragms~~ DIAGRAMS out right away.

No one else in the meeting was even phased by it!?

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

2008-07-10T16:29:00.004-04:00

So I tried to wait patiently for TV SLUT to make the announcement herself but she hasn't! Sooooooo I am going to do it for her!!!

She is one of my very best friends in the whole world and she just recently got ENGAGED . He is one of the greatest guys I have ever met! A and A, I am so very happy for you guys and I wish you a lifetime of happiness.

Here is a picture of her and her gorgeous ring, nice pick A!!!

:) Can't wait for the wedding and all the planning that goes with it! I'm here for WHATEVER you need. Including helping strip you down naked in the middle of Feliens Basement to find the perfect dress :)

I'm warning you!

2008-07-09T10:31:00.002-04:00

I know how people can be about other people's relationships. I have been at a point where I see people in public making out and being cute and all I want to do is yell, "BARF, GET A ROOM, NO ONE CARES HOW HAPPY YOU ARE." So I am warning you, I am going to be kind of annoying right now. If you don't want to hear it, please leave! :)

OK I gave you fair warning.....I recently started dating someone and he is the most amazing person I have ever met in my whole life! I have never met anyone as caring, considerate and thoughtful as he is. (OK, it wasn't that bad was it?)

When I thought he couldn't get any better, that is when I discovered it. The holy grail of men. What every woman could only hope for:

He is the quietest and most perfect little sleeper EVER. He doesn't make a single noise. No snoring, no talking, NOTHING!

Seeing as I am coming from a relationship with a man who snored so loud my roommates could hear him through the walls, I am ecstatic about this!

I think he is an anomaly. I have honestly NEVER met a guy before who doesn't snore. It is the greatest thing in the whole world! Is it possible to be so perfect?

Oh I see said the blind man peeing in the wind....It's all coming back to me now!

2008-07-02T11:42:00.003-04:00

So as we all know, I have an obsession with shoes. And stemming from my shoe obsession comes my need to wear nothing but skirts during the summer months. I love wearing skirts not because I think I have sexy legs but because I feel the need to show off my expensive collection of shoes.

Today I am showing off my most recent purchase. As I was walking outside, a random Toledo vagrant told me he wasn't sure what was prettier, me or my dress (it is a skirt thank you very much) He then told me I had sexy legs and a nice tan. He never said anything about my shoes, what does he know?! Anyways, I digress.

The point of this rant is that I love wearing skirts but I have one MAJOR issue and would like to know if anyone else experiences this issues as often as I do. When I am outside in a skirt, at least once a week the wind blows my skirt up and exposes my ass to innocent bystanders. Why does this always happen? Are my skirts too flowy? Am I so short that the wind catches it just right?

Last week I was leaving the grocery store and had bags in both of my hands. A strong gust of wind blows and there is it, skirt above ass, people staring. Of course I couldn't really do anything because my hands were full. I just starting walking faster to my car, a lot faster.

Once I was attempting to get into a friends car for lunch but the wind was blowing my skirt so much I couldn't take my hands away from my sides to open the door. One of my co-workers came to my rescue and opened it for me (yes it was a guy coworker and it was extremely embarrassing, especially when he wouldn't stop laughing)

My most tragic experience was at a gas station. It was so windy I jumped in the car while my gas was pumping. As my tank was filling so did all the pumps...with guys! I couldn't even get out of my car to put the cap on and close my tank. I sat there for roughly 5 minutes until the station cleared a little bit. I wanted to make sure the least amount of people saw my ass.

And today while I was walking by the sexually harassing vagrant my skirt blew up. Thankfully I think I caught it in time.

I just can't give up my love of skirts! But I don't think I can handle by public indecency any longer! I have tried buying thicker skirts, less flowy skirts but nothing seems to work. They all seem to be affected by the wind. Am I the only one here? Any solutions? Giving up skirts is NOT an option, I repeat, IT IS NOT AN OPTION

Fashion Faux Pau

2008-06-27T08:29:00.002-04:00

Is my title spelled right? Hmmmm. Anyway.

Today my client is violating #5 of my previous post about shoes that should NEVER be worn.

As if velcro shoes aren't bad enough, HE HAS A SUIT ON! A suit and velcro shoes?

Where was this mans wife this morning? Maybe too busy putting on her velcro shoes? We will never know?

Typing Loser

2008-06-26T09:09:00.001-04:00

98 words

Speedtest

I had to do this 5 times before I got this. My first 5 were like 65wpm :(

When and only when!

2008-06-24T13:16:00.004-04:00

So today on my lunch break at Panera I was standing behind a young business professional woman. She was dressed in cute black skirt and shirt and she was wearing flip flops. But not just any flip flops, no sir! She was wearing (drum roll please...) Platform flips flops. This got me thinking about all the shoes you should NEVER wear unless under certain extenuating circumstances.

1)Platform Flip flops

There is no exception to these, they should NEVER be worn

2) Ugg Boots

Only acceptable when it is actually cold out and they aren't worn with a skirt!!!!

3) Boat Shoes

If you have a boat and are on it, fine! If not, what the hell are you thinking?

4) Thigh High Hooker Boots

If you are in fact a hooker or dressing up as one for Halloween, these boots are acceptable. Otherwise, they are not. Knee high hooker boots are acceptable for us non ladies of the night as long as they are made of quality leather (none of the plastic stuff)

5) Velcro Shoes

Only to be worn if you are over the age of 80

6) Penny Loafers

I can't think of one instance that these would be necessary. Especially if there is actually a penny in the front of it.

7)Jelly Shoes

Are you 2? Well then that answers that!

8) Moon Boots

Only if your name is Napoleon Dynamite

9) And last but certainly not least High Tops

Never never never never never acceptable. Do they honestly sell these still?

Am I missing any?

Office Paper Cutter-1 Impractical Shoes-0

2008-06-20T12:59:00.002-04:00

So today at work my one and only project was to make parking vouchers for our Jehovah's Witness convention. This consisted of 1,052 vouchers, which translated into 263 pieces of paper (4 vouchers on each piece). Since there were 4 on each piece, I needed to cut them to make individual ones.

I got all my vouchers printed and had them all ready to cut. I walked over to the paper cutter and started slicing away. After cutting roughly 150 vouchers I realized that the process was going to take me all day (and since I usually only work till 2pm, this was unacceptable). Knowing my boss had done this same task in the days earlier, I KNEW it couldn't have taken him this long.

If you know anything about my boss it is that him and tedious tasks don't mix. If it did indeed take him as long as it was going to take me, I would have most likely done his for him......sigh

After sitting there staring at the paper cutter trying to figure out how the boss man did it, I notice an industrial size paper cutter next to the small pitiful one I was using. (Please pause for my moment of shame) Too bad I have no idea how to use it. (Moment of shame #2)

Shamefully I walk into my bosses office to ask him if he could show me how to use it. This results in him laughing at me for cutting 150 vouchers on the small one and ultimately him teaching me how to use the big one.

OK, so I am slightly embarrassed at this point. I somehow always find a way for him to get a good laugh at me.

So I take my giant stack of vouchers and repeat the process my boss just showed me.....except it is only cutting like the first 5 vouchers and just creasing the rest...I try and try and try to no avail. What does this mean for Impractical Shoes? She must do the walk of shame back to her bosses office and let him know that she is incapable of using the fucking paper cutter.

Naturally this resulted in more laughter and then his willingness to come over and WATCH me try to do it again...and again..... As I am sitting there practically propped off the ground trying to put all my weight on this stupid lever, he is just dying laughing....Border line pissing his pants.

Conclusion: I am weak sauce and completely incapable of cutting even the smallest stack of papers with this machine.

The result: My boss had to do the cutting for me. While he was cutting the vouchers, the laughter never ceased. He said that I would have to do my own cutting next time and he was going to videotape it. :(

I am so ashamed

Excuse me kind sir! Can I stick my hand in your pocket?

2008-06-19T14:04:00.005-04:00

So as many of you know my job slows down in the summer... a lot! We have a Jehovah's Witness Convention in our facility (True story) that takes up our entire building for 6 straight weeks. What this means for us event coordinators is that we have nothing to do for those 6 weeks......

So my day consists of strolling into work, usually about 10am, playing on the Internet (reading every one's wonderful blogs), going to lunch and then to fill up the rest of my afternoon I walk around the building acting like I have something to do till about 2pm. After that I am pretty spent so I make my way home and either lay out at the pool, go to the driving range or just sit around and be lazy on these oh so fabulous summer days!

So today as I was taking my afternoon walk around the building I passed a gentleman with had his hands full with a bunch of signs! As I passed him I heard something drop. So I turned around and noticed a pair of reading glasses and a glasses case on the floor next to him. As he was struggling to try and pick them up, I figured I would take some time out of my busy day to pick them up for him. Here is how the conversation went:

Me: Oh I'll get those for you! (I bend down and pick them both up individually and hand them to him)
Strange Man: Can you put the glasses in the case for me?
Me: Uh, sure! (I put the glasses in the case and go to set it on top of his stack of signs)
Strange Man: Uh, can you stick them in my pocket? (As he turns to the side revealing a small pocket on the side of his jean jacket)
Me: (I give a awkward and uncomfortable smile waiting for him to say, "just kidding, that would be pretty creepy huh?" but no dice...) Oh.....OK (As I carefully place the case into his pocket making sure to hardly touch him)
Strange Man: Thanks darling
Me: (Dry heaving as I shuffled off toward to bathroom to vomit)

Why me?

Kiss Cam!

2008-06-18T11:00:00.002-04:00

So I have been a blogging loser for the past week or so...I just haven't felt moved enough to write about anything. So in my rut I decided that I will blog about an interesting experience I had this weekend at the Mudhens game!

Picture this: Beautiful night for baseball! The game is sold out, we get standing room only tickets! We sit down in some open club seats (suckas!)and up pops the KISS CAM on the big screen....THE KISS CAM, who doesn't love the KISS CAM? So it does it's thing, putting people in the awkward position of having to kiss someone in front of thousands of people (Who thought of this idea? Creepy) And in the middle of all the uncomfortableness of the KISS CAM, up pops a younger couple and low and behold, THE GUY PROPOSES! (This still doesn't beat the time at the Cavs game when the camera man thought it would be funny to put it on two girls and they started hardcore making out, WHOAAAAAAA, there are kids here buddy, hurry-Pan away)

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! YAY!!! (CLAPPING) Erupts from the crowd. Aw, that was cute....Moving on with my night (Another beer please!!!!)

Later in the game "L" spots the newly engaged couple and wants to go up and congratulate them but she notices something isn't right. Yup, you got it. They are standing there fighting in the middle of the concourse. Come on people, you just plastered your faces for all to see on the KISS CAM and got ENGAGED!

The idea of a public proposal is embarrassing enough but now you are publicly going to get into a heated fight on what should be one of the happiest days of your life? Put on a happy face, go home and duke it out there like a normal unhappy engaged couple would!

I am going to go out on a limb and say their marriage isn't going to last very long. Awkward all around!

Apparently that's what I do?!

2008-06-07T13:27:00.004-04:00

So last night consisted of a wedding where the power went out (don't worry, the electricity stopped flowing but the alcohol didn't), drinks at the Village Idiot and drinks, silver strike bowling and Karaoke at Quarters. Needless to say, I was bamboozled by the end of the night (actually it was by the end of the wedding).

This morning as we were talking about last night and all the happenings, E mentioned to me that while Iris was singing Karaoke I was yelling, "Take off your clothes!" This came as no surprise to me.

Apparently I do this quite often. Sometimes I tell random guy bartenders to "Take off their pants" while they are getting my drink. Sometimes I will tell people to, "Get naked" while dancing. And now, well... I tell Iris to "Take off her clothes" while singing.

In my defense, I only do this when I am EXTREMELY intoxicated, but I have NO IDEA why. I am in no way shape or form serious when I say it, at least I can't imagine I am. But why can't it be something a little more appropriate? Why is my default drunk rambling about nakedness?

Am I the only one that has a default inappropriate drunken outburst? Is there something you say all the time when you are wasted? Please dear god don't let me be the only one.

Barfy....

2008-06-06T09:01:00.004-04:00

So I am standing in line at Target yesterday getting ready to pay for my "night tank top" (Go ahead and call me an old woman, it is the most amazing purchase of my life) and as I am waiting for the slowest cashier on the planet, the earrings of the woman in front of me caught my eye. They were huge , long BEAUTIFUL dangley earrings. And yes that is the technical term, dangley earrings.

As I am staring at her beautiful HUGE earrings (this was probably pretty creepy, I hope she didn't notice) I see something that makes me want to barf on her. Her ears are STRUGGLING to support the weight of her massive earrings. It looked as if at any moment her lobes were going to give way and rip in half. Do you know what I am talking about? Those people that have extremely stretched lobes from wearing too many heavy fluorescent hoops in the 80's? Or many it's because at one point they were part of this woman's Indian tribe? Who knows, but COME ON!!!

Why would you keep putting your ears through that? I swear if she turned too fast those pretty dangleys were coming straight through her lobulus auriculæ. I understand the want to wear beautiful earrings...Maybe to show off how much money you have, or how great of a husband/boyfriend/girlfriend you have, but there are PLENTY of expensive, fabulous looking diamond studs at Jared.

Then instead of people wanting to barf at the sight of your earlobes, they can whisper, "He went to Jared"! TA-DA!

What is this world coming to?

2008-06-06T08:23:00.003-04:00

I really try not to be a downer and write about depressing stuff, but I saw this video today and can not stop thinking about it.

The video shows a man that is victim to a hit and run. After he is hit, a minute or so passes before a police officer arrives on the scene. The most shocking and disgusting part of this video (besides the heartless scum that hit this poor man and didn't stop) is that not a single bystander or passing car stopped to check on this man that lie motionless in the street.

What is this world coming to? How could no one even reaction to the horrifying scene they just witnessed? Are we immune to violence and desensitized to human suffering?

What happend to the days when people HELPED the elderly across the street?

I hope this makes everyone want to do one good thing today, the world needs it!

Karma will bite those people in the ass.....

2008-06-05T13:10:00.002-04:00

I have found myself extremely addicted to Wii. I am currently sitting at work, which technically I have A LOT of stuff to do for my upcoming sold out Carrie Underwood concert, but instead I am sitting here thinking about how I want to go home and play Wii (And obviously I am blogging as well, so absolutely no work is getting done).

I purchased my Wii a couple of weeks ago and have spent every possibly moment trying to dominate every game I have on it. Not only do I consistently play Wii or at least THINK about playing Wii but not I have this obsessive urge to get every high score for every single game....

I recently noticed that my roommate got a high score in darts...No problem, I will fix that.....After 16 games I am still 1 point shy of beating her score. So I tried again last night, no dice. Why can't I just get that one point and beat her score? Why do I feel like I HAVE to have the high score on every game. Well I will tell you why, because it is MY WII and I have to be the best at it. So if you plan on coming over my house and want to play my Wii, if you get a high score, I will kill you.......Or lose my job because I will be up so late every night trying to turn your high score into the score right below my high score that I will never make it into work......Why am I so competitive?

Any suggestions on any other really fun Wii games that I could buy to take my mind off darts?

Sex? Yes please......

2008-06-01T12:54:00.002-04:00

This weekend I went and saw the highly anticipated Sex and the City movie! Now... I will admit, I was never a die hard SATC fan. I would catch parts of it here or there on TNT but it wasn't on my list of MUST WATCH TV SHOWS (Which pathetically contains like 15 other shows). I guess I can't say I didn't like it, it was just something I never really got totally into.

That being said, the movie was AWESOME! I laughed a lot, I didn't realize how much the humor of the show relates to mine.

I was surprised at the number of sex scenes. I know I know, that is what Sex and the City is all about right? I guess I just didn't expect it in the movie, I was sorta shocked. Major plus? They had a cock shot! A COCK SHOT! HOW MANY MOVIES SHOW THE COCK? Us females get hosed when it comes to nudity in movies. We always see an absurd amount of boobs but never the cock. Soooo THANK YOU SEX AND THE CITY!

I will probably go buy some of their seasons on DVD now!

Hell has frozen over!

2008-05-30T08:41:00.002-04:00

I have FINALLY convinced yet another witty friend to join the blogging world! She is a little sceptical, but don't worry, with a little time and patience she will be your new favorite blog, I PROMISE!

Welcome T-town McBowlerson! I look forward to reading your rants.

I particularly hope you often blog while inebriated. I love the words you make up after a few Miller Lites. (Is that how T-town McBowlerson came about?)

Heres to you Ms. McBowlerson! :) I love Silver Strike!

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

2008-05-28T12:31:00.002-04:00

I can not take it anymore. I hate Heidi and Spencer more than anything in the world. Why are pics like these all over the Internet?

Why does anyone care about them? If I were at that baseball game, I would have bought a hot dog, loaded it up with ketchup, mustard and every other condiment in the stadium and launched it at Heidi's head while screaming, "THOSE SHORTS ARE UGLY AND SO IS YOUR BOYFRIEND"!

And why do they always go overboard in the wardrobe category for all their photo shoots?

Coincidence they had American Flags and were dressed in Red White and Blue while at the Nations Capital? Probably!

Who DOESN'T walk around a park on Mother's Day with their mom, roses and a giant card? PSSSSH, bad children obviously!

Easter Sunday Outfit? Well obviously you need an Easter Dress, a huge bunny, a basket filled with fake eggs, bunny ears, oh and the kicker?? Some random child!

And what says Happy Valentines Day better than champagne, strawberries, candles, roses and presents? I can't believe someone actually caught this very special, which obviously was intended to be private, moment on camera!

How do they not feel like complete idiots?

HTML Lesson

2008-05-23T12:36:00.002-04:00

Thank you Dr Turtle for teaching me how to strike ~~shit~~ stuff out on my blog. This small talent will come in handy quite often!

DON'T MIND ME, I'M JUST CRAZY!

2008-05-22T13:46:00.002-04:00

So yesterday I made my annual trip to Cedar Point. I try to go at least once a year, ride the new rides and some of my favorites and be on my way.

I have to say that yesterday was the craziest/weirdest experience I have ever had at America's Roller Coast.

As luck would have it, yesterday was field trip day for all the local Mentally Challenged Group Homes in the area! I mean, I have NOTHING against mentally challenged people but....seriously?! What are the chances that I came on that day?!

Anyway...my favorite part of the day was when we were in the parking lot and a few rows over we could hear a girl (about mid 20's) yelling at a guy (around the same age). We could see them and she was standing there just going off on him and he just stood there with his head down the whole time. Of course we wanted to know what was going on so we kinda sat and listened for awhile and this is what we heard:

Girl: FOOL ME ONCE, SHAME ON YOU. FOOL ME TWICE, SHAME ON ME!
Guy: (still standing there with head down)
Girl: I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU ARE SUCH AN A**HOLE. YOU CHEATED ON ME...TWICE..I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS. HOW DO YOU FEEL? ARE YOU PROUD OF YOURSELF? ARE YOU PROUD OF WHAT YOU HAVE DONE?
Guy: (still not moving or talking)
**Random people walk by and kind of stare...
Girl: (To the random people walking by) OH I'M SORRY GUYS, MY BOYFRIEND JUST CHEATED ON ME, SORRY!
Guy: (Still won't look up)

Liz and I were DYING laughing. Poor girl but seriously, poor guy. I mean I know he messed up but just leave him alone. He clearly doesn't give a shit....

After watching and laughing for a couple minutes, we decided enough was enough. We went on our way into the park

Roughly 4 hours later we are walking past the Gemini and low and behold, the crazy couple is standing off to the side next to a bench.

Girl: I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
Guy: (Still not saying anything)
Girl: YOU ARE SUCH AN A**HOLE

Now explain this to me....Why didn't they just go home? Did she decide his punishment was that he had to pay $42.95 and walk around the park and get bitched at all day? No rides, just pure guilt..... The dude should have just taken the bus home, or kept it in his pants...

The Good, The Bad and The.....Hot Guys!

2008-05-20T12:50:00.008-04:00

So I have returned home safely from Paradise! I have decided that I want to move to AZ, what the hell am I doing in Ohio?

During my brief yet amazing stay in "The Valley" (I love saying that)I came up with a list of PROS and CONS of Arizona.

We will start off with the (few) CONS:

1) No/minimal grass....it seems so silly but it was sorely missed
2) We went downtown for a D-Backs game and the city was practically dead. I actually had to ask if there was a home game or not. Definitely not crazy sports fans like us Clevelanders.
3) A lot of local workers didn't speak very good English. Come on people....
4) Camelback Mountain almost killed me

PROS
1) Although the stadium was eerily empty at the D-Backs game, the stadium was BEAUTIFUL, it's a shame their following is so minimal.
2) The name D-Backs sounds an awful lot like D-Bags and it was fun to yell that during the game without anyone noticing (just pure enjoyment for us)
3) Everyone there is sooooo nice! Every time you walk by someone you get at least a smile but usually a friendly, "Hi how are you? Have a nice day! Have a nice weekend. Good afternoon." Amazing....I think the Vitamin D from the sun is something us Ohioans are lacking, hence the winter blues?!
4) The weather was absolutely amazing
5) The nightlife was great! They had every kind of bar you could possibly want within walking distance of each other!
6) The architecture there is beautiful and everything was very modern and new!
7) A LOT of hot guys, EVERYWHERE!
8) They had some of the most amazing shoe stores I have ever laid eyes on!
9) And MOST importantly, AZ did some amazing things for my hair! I am not sure if it was the nearly 0% humidity or the water or what but this head of hair has never looked so good! I want my AZ hair back!!!!!!

Here are some pics to make you all jealous! kidding....But seriously, you will be!

K and I at the D-Bags...er D-Backs game! Beautiful Stadium huh?

Camelback Mountain kicking my ass!

Me after I DOMINATED Camelback! Enjoying the view!

The View from our kitchen window!

All of us girls watching the CAVS game at Zipps

Back to the real world...in Ohio (sigh...)

Don't quit your day job Tony!

2008-05-12T16:29:00.003-04:00

This video shows Tony Romo singing, eh... butchering, "Take Me out to the Ball Game" during the 7th inning stretch at the Cubs' baseball game. All I have to say is...wow!

Had no one heard him "sing" before he was asked to do this? That person should lose their job. Next time, don't try to actually SING it, just play along!

Click here if you want your ears to bleed!

Hey lets try that again......

2008-05-09T13:20:00.003-04:00

My biggest pet peeve just happened and I must blog about it.

My office phone rings....

Me: SeaGate Centre this is Danielle
Stupid: Hi may I speak with Danielle please....
Me: (Sigh) This is she!

WERE YOU NOT LISTENING WHEN I ANSWERED THE PHONE?

I am going to either
A) Starting saying, "LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN, SEAGATE CENTRE THIS IS DANIELLE. DO YOU STILL WANT TO ASK ME FOR ME?"
or
B) Hang up and see if they can get it right the second time

We would be AMAZING

2008-05-09T12:15:00.007-04:00

The other night I had a dream that my man friend E and I were on the Amazing Race. Basically in my dream we DOMINATED the competition, we were unstoppable.

Since then I have not stopped thinking about how awesome we would be on it. I'm pretty sure we would dominate in real life as well. Applications for Amazing Race 14 have to be turned in by May 28th.

Now I just have to convince him it's a good idea. Any good ideas for our application video?

Iris, you are doing all the taping.

A True Tragedy for our Younger Generations

2008-05-08T16:01:00.005-04:00

I am sad to announce that Talk Sex with Sue Johanson airs its final episode on Sunday at midnight.

I am sad for myself (who is going to tell me the sex position of the week?) but I am mostly sad for teenagers all over the country that won't have the opportunity to experience Sue and her candid answers to America's burning questions regarding sex.

Learning about the latest and greatest sex toys is still possible, but it will no longer come from a 77 year old woman (That was the best part of the show).

Sue says, ""I'm going to miss it terribly. It's been part of my life and I just love it. I'm going to miss writing scripts. I'm going to miss having to read books. I'm going to miss playing with sex toys."

We'll miss you too Sue!

Although I haven't watched this show in YEARS, I'm sad that it is no longer an option.

Did you ever watch the show?

Look away kids!

2008-05-08T13:51:00.002-04:00

As a born and raised Clevelander, I practically grew up at the former Jacob's Field, currently Progressive Field (ick). I can remember LOVING Slider and looking forward to seeing him at every game!

I recently came across this video of Cinci's Mr. Redlegs and I am so surprised there wasn't an uproar of children going CRAZY. I know if I ever saw this shit happen to Slider, my life would have been OVER!

Can you imagine your favorite character's head popping off right in front of you?

I should be making commission off this!

2008-05-06T14:23:00.003-04:00

It's true, I have recruited another new blogger!!!

Welcome Color Me Glamorous! She loves Lip Gloss and Gossip!!

Love you Peanut, can't wait to read your new blog :)

"I think you had your beer goggles on"

2008-05-05T15:12:00.005-04:00

I spent this past weekend in Cleveland with my amazing friends from college. As it always is when we all get together, it was absolutely out of control (I puked in the Denny's bathroom at 3am, Erica puked in her shirt twice in the car).

This weekend I truly learned the meaning of "Beer Goggles". Of course I have always known what it meant but I always thought it was more fiction than fact. I guess I just never really experienced it before.

Sunday morning when we all woke up, we sat around discussing the nights events... pretty standard! I was laughing about the police officer that offered to give us a ride home, even after Jeanna assaulted him. As we were talking about him I casually mentioned that I thought he was pretty cute.

I can picture him in my head now:
Tall
Tan
Muscles similar to the Incredible Hulk

After I said it, not ONE person agreed with me or even entertained the idea that he was indeed as cute as I rememberd him. My friend T-Town said, "Really? He was like your height and had a baby face, not cute! I think you had your beer goggles on Dee".

I get it now....

The Paradise Valley Hillbilles

2008-05-05T13:45:00.004-04:00

As some of you may know, next week I am going on vacation to Paradise Valley, AZ. One of my good friends was given a house there for a week, free of charge! So everyone who wanted to go just bought a plane ticket and is heading out there for sun, fun and relaxation!

When I first heard we were going to Paradise Valley I wasn't familiar with the city so I did a little research. I learned that it is a very rich community outside of Phoenix with the average home price of something along the lines of $1.5 million. So I knew that it was gonna be a nice house but I had no idea!

My friend sent me a website of the house today (It's on the market) and I almost *hit my pants. Check it out

We rented an economy car, do you think we are going to fit in? I wonder how much it would cost to upgrade......

YAY, A NEW FRIEND TO COMMENT ON MY BLOG

2008-05-01T18:57:00.003-04:00

I have successfully recruited a new blogger!!! I am soooo excited that I finally have someone else that will hopefully read and comment on my blog since I am still a blogging loser with minimal friends......

Welcome TV SLUT!

I look forward to reading all your witty accounts. I miss you!

Doing your "Business" at Work

2008-05-01T17:06:00.002-04:00

I got this email at my last job and I recently came across is again and just HAD to share it. I think everyone can relate to this on some level. Aunt Betty's are the WORST... Enjoy!
__________________________________________________________

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

*CROP DUSTING* When farting, you walk really fast around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff, but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

*FLY BY* The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become
suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

*ESCAPEE* A fart that slips out while taking a pee or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are a man and are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

*JAILBREAK* When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

*COURTESY FLUSH* The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

*WALK OF SHAME* Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

*OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER* A colleague who poops at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

*THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)* A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

*SAFE HAVENS* A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

*TURD BURGLAR* Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

*CAMO-COUGH* A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*SHIRLEY TEMPLE* A subtle toe-tapping that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear a SHIRLEY TEMPLE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

*WATERMELON* A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

*HAVANAOMELET* A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with a SHIRLEY TEMPLE.

*AUNT BETTY* A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever – could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An AUNT BETTY makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

SOME VARIETIES
The King Poop – This kind is the kind of poop that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.

Bali Belly Poop – You poop so much you lose 5 lbs.

Cement Block – You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you poop.

Cork Poop (Also Known as Floater Poop) – Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. How do I get rid of it? This poop usually happens at someone else's house.

The Bungee Poop – The kind of poop that just hangs off your rear before it falls into the water.

The Crippler – The kind of poop where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.

The Chitty Chitty Bang Bang – The kind of poop that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.

The Party Pooper – The giant poop you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.

Barf!

2008-05-01T15:11:00.003-04:00

So today I was driving to work and passed a man that had a beaded seat cover, such as the one shown above...

THESE ARE SO UGLY AND COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE COMFORTABLE...WHYYYYYYYY WOULD YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY ON THIS?

The only reason one should have this in their car is if they bought their vehicle from a Navajo Indian Reservation and it came complimentary....Even then it should have been immediately thrown into the garbage.

I love Blogs

2008-05-01T10:30:00.003-04:00

My dear friend Libby is an Internet junkie by all standards but she is mostly addicted to blogs. Her blog obsession has led her to not only read every blog she comes across but also all the comments. Her obsession with blogging is so well known that she was even recently featured on Pink is the New Blog for her birthday :)

The other day she stumbled across a new blog that I feel I must share. It is called Post Cards from Yo Momma and it is strictly dedicated to random emails and online conversations that people have with their mothers that are unintentionally funny. I can't even contain myself while reading some of these posts. Mom's are too funny! Check it out!

You're so smart...and by smart I really mean stupid

2008-04-28T10:19:00.004-04:00

You know how there are those quotes that just don't make any sense at all yet people all over the country use them every day? Well....they drive me nuts.

When people say they "Lucked out" when something good happens to them, I want to scream. If you lucked out then your luck would have run out; therefore, something BAD would have happened, not good, what is wrong with you?

Recently the saying "falling head over heels" is really bothering me. Isn't your head always over your heels? So why is being "head over heels" so amazing?

I mean don't get me wrong, being head over heels for someone is pretty incredible, but come on, it should be HEELS OVER HEAD!!!

What commonly used phrase makes you want to scream?

All the Small Things

2008-04-26T12:20:00.002-04:00

It is very rare to find someone who goes the extra mile at work. Someone who not only cares about their job on a professional level but also takes great pride on a personal level.

Yesterday as I was walking down the hallway at work I realized that our building music was different than normal. It wasn't the light easy listening station that I have become so accustom to but it was oldies! Oldies I thought, huh? How fitting, considering the classic car show is going on all weekend.

This got me thinking.....I started thinking about all the other times that the music was different in our building. During St. Patrick's Day and the Celtic Woman Concert it was Irish Music. During Sesame Street Live it was Disney cartoon music. If we are having a country concert it is changed to country music....etc etc you get the point.

I guess I never thought about it but SOMEONE was actually changing it during events to go along with whatever was going on in our building.

I am not sure exactly who it is but I think I have a pretty good idea. It makes me appreciate him more and I definitely look at him in a different light....The small things make a big difference to me and it's nice to know that someone else thinks they matter as well.

Lesson Learned: Appreciate the little things that make you happy, don't bother with the small things that make you mad.

You CAN'T Argue with Logic

2008-04-23T12:02:00.002-04:00

My boss sent this to me today and it makes perfect sense. I thought I would share...

The Buffalo Theory

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo.

And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.

This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.

Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

And that, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

So I say...

DRINK UP

Stick it to the Woman

2008-04-23T11:17:00.004-04:00

I am a FIRM (no pun intended) believer in a good handshake. There is nothing worse than shaking someones hand and mistaking it for that of a cold dead corpse. I believe a solid handshake says a lot about a person and shows confidence and professionalism.

That being said....I met with some female clients that other day and as much as I hate to say it, us ladies are infamous for the weak handshake. The three ladies stood in front of me, all with hands outstretched. All I could think was, Oh god here we go...crap handshake, pathetic handshake, weak handshake...

Boy was I wrong. They ALL gave me the most bone crushing handshakes I have ever received. Now COME ON. What is the point of that? Are you trying to prove something to me? There is nothing wrong with wanting to give a strong shake but that was just over the top, get a life!

I couldn't even stand to look at them the entire meeting. I just pictured them jumping up and screaming, WOMAN POWER while gripping a shattered hand!

So moral of the story, weak handshakes make you look like a vagina but bone crushing handshakes make you look like a feminist bitch.

A night on the Town

2008-04-22T11:52:00.003-04:00

I hit up J Alexander's last night for the first time for a friend's birthday. Here is my review:

Food: Good
I didn't hear one person say a bad things about their meal
Prices: Outta control
Almost $75 for 2 people to eat? Where are we, LA?
Atmosphere: Great
I really liked the setting, it was nice. Not too fancy
Management: Great
He apologized to me because.....
Waitress: Awful

Reasons why the waitress was awful:

She forgot my water
She forgot my food
She totally tried to ignore the fact that she forgot my food (maybe I wouldn't notice?)
She didn't offer E a free dessert for his birthday (We told her 3 times it was his b-day)

Considering everything was good except the service, I would like to try it again. I just hate how one waitress can ruin your experience.

Also, since when do restaurants not offer a free dessert for birthday's? ESPECIALLY a restaurant that charges an arm and a leg for chicken fingers?

In the Top Drawer?

2008-04-20T16:46:00.002-04:00

Why is it that the top dresser drawer is the default drawer for socks? I don't think I have ever met anyone that doesn't have their socks in the top drawer. In my experiences it usually goes something like this:

Top Drawer: Socks

Second Drawer: Underwear/Bras

Third Drawer: T-shirts, Pajamas and such

Bottom Drawer: The random drawer that is usually never consistent across the board

Wouldn't it make sense that the socks would go in the bottom drawer considering we wear them on our feet? Just an observation. Do you keep your socks in the top drawer?

Party......In the Front Yard?

2008-04-19T18:12:00.003-04:00

As summer closes in on us (Thank God) and the weather starts to get warm, El Camino looks more and more appealing as the bar of choice for the night. The only problem with that is that EVERYONE is the Greater Toledo Area feels the same way as well. I will admit, El Camino is amazing and has a lot to offer, but I just CAN NOT stand all the people!!!!!!!!

Last night when some friends let me know they were going to El Camino, I was deeply dreading the crowd that I knew would be there. I knew the patio would look like it does every other warm day, elbow to elbow with people and the bar would take at least 30 minutes to serve you a drink (So double or triple fisting is required). But last night was different.....

El Camino officially opened their "Courtyard" as free reign to their drinking patrons. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I could move, I could breathe, it was GLORIOUS. Why didn't they think of this earlier? (Or did I just not know about it?)

Either way, El Camino is more appealing now than it has ever been before and will definitely be my bar of choice on all those warm summer nights. Congratulations El Camino for fixing the ONE problem that I had with your bar, you will be seeing a lot more of me this summer!!

Can you use the word in a sentence please?

2008-04-17T15:14:00.000-04:00

Isn't it funny the things you remember from your childhood? I remember the 5th Grade Spelling Bee like it was yesterday and I even remember the infamous word that knocked me out of the competition: Pajamas

I smile every time I write or type that word. Man it seemed a lot more complicated in 1995. I can't imagine why I couldn't figure that out.

I even know the words that stumped some of my closest friends:
Erica- Nickel (Ouch)
Liz- Recycle (Tricky)

Do you remember what word humiliated you in front of your entire class?

It's Official

2008-04-17T14:16:00.000-04:00

Alright Alright I buckled!!!! I tried to boycott blogging, but I just have no more fight left in me. We will see where the crazy world of blogging leads me.

If you know me at all then you will understand why I have a Shoe Theme for my blog. I live and die for shoes!!! I would sacrifice food for the day to make sure I got the new black stilettos in Jessica Simpson's summer collection (This just recently happened)

I ALWAYS wear the most impractical shoes you can possibly imagine. Ohh, we are going hiking? These patent leather kitten heels will be perfect! Sounds practical to me, at least I didn't pick the patent leather pumps, right?!

I am looking forward to giving everyone who reads this the opportunity to understand my life... in these shoes! Enjoy!!